AMERICAN FRACTAL
We are like two chasms,
a well staring up at the sky
–Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet
two mirrors face each other my hands over my face the
porcelain soap dish an angel’s wings & a mile of its offerings
pink on pink on black tile I’m in the bathroom close the door
shut the light down the hall the tv too loud bob barker & the
price is right shut that out too I’m on the other edge of
something of adulthood of a gulf a canyon looking
down down no vultures circling picking bones though no
heaped bodies to climb over no fall to cushion or to be
cushioned not the body that matures this time just this
hollow wooden door the lock my parents could pick with a belt-
hook at any moment the hot glare of the vanity lights making
my pimples glow I said shut the light shut the light the tv
too loud mother won’t get up get up! the friend visiting
from florida her baby james sucking grapes he wouldn’t eat
anything else just the grapes the seedless orbs like eyeballs
sucking them each green globe with a little pop a little giggle
wouldn’t take the formula wouldn’t take the mashed carrots &
peas brown mush from a jar the rubber spoon an airplane
but still nothing a silent protest maybe maybe reading into
things too far we fed him grapes for three weeks he kept
giggling sleeping in my bedroom a crib of blankets in the
cedar hope chest at the foot of my bed grapes & grapes & the
husband flying up finally to take him home to take her home
a quiet man a mustache all five-foot-five of him fumbling
down the hall the showcase showdown the systolic bleep of the
wheel slowing to rest a dinette set a new car flashing
lights cheers & screams from the audience mother’s best
friend in the intersection held her baby cat-walked the dotted
yellow line & then sat down the baby crying the headlights
horns she sat down then the police call at midnight do you
know the father? then driving home holding the baby while my
father shifted & swore the soft skull the soft neck way
past bedtime past due stay up! stay up! his head so
heavy mother on the couch again won’t get up won’t blink
a crack in the ceiling holding her there mesmerized like the
root of that word something animal doctoral doctor mesmer
on his glass armonica the women in tubs of glass powder
iron fillings the magic of the wand relax relax my sweet
baby james singing from behind the curtain go to sleep go
to sleep they had words for it back then hysteria
distemper the doctors in the waiting room more mysterious
more clinical we had clinics now post-partum depression
they said bipolar disorder they said in their white robes
behind their stethoscopes & clipboards their shoes so soft they
moved soundlessly down the long hall the price is right on a
television hanging from the ceiling I sit down in the bathtub
how can you blame them for sitting down things getting so
heavy? for what do we hold onto eventually? eventually
what don’t we hold onto? mother in the living room on the
couch shake her shake her wake her up & father at the
bar he says late at work he says & the bathroom with its
cheap lock that convenient clasp & the light on & the
light off & the mirror into mirror into mirror that silver-
backed glass looking like her looking like him the images
playing off themselves in the glass divide divide & how
could they know each one each image into infinity how
could they know? each image one moment behind the last
catching up & catching up until the last & finally letting go
the last like a leap into no faith letting go that smallest star
that grain of sand that simplest & finest point of light
–from American Fractal
first published in Runes
Got my signed American Fractal today. Awesome!
Yay! Let me know what you think when you get a chance to read it:)
Well, duh, I read it. Remember? When I interviewed you, you sent me the whole thing. I love it. It is the kind of book that you wanted it to be. Anybody can pick it up and read it and enjoy it. I’ve read it over and over and over. Still love it! 🙂 My favorites are:
“Hip”
“What Passes for Optomism at MacArthur Park”
“After Hopper”
“Potluck”
“…Big Sky…” (Love Love that!)
“Cheers”
“The Body”
“…Parking Lot…” (Pushcart bound)
and those are just the ones that stick out in my mind. I’ll kick myself remembering others after I hit the send button.
I hope everyone knows how easy it is to get one… and signed by going through RATTLE. And I got it in like two days.
Didn’t mean for that to sound like an advertisement. He really didn’t pay me a thing to say that. But it is seriously good! And I don’t blow smoke, if you know what I mean.
“Hiking Together”… wish you hadn’t got me started?
Awh thanks, Sandee, you’re really sweet. It’s really cool to see lists of which poems people like, actually…I never know what to read at shorter readings.
“…Big Sky…”